By When Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin used the term “conscious uncoupling” to describe their separation in 2014, the phrase ended up going viral at the time, taking the internet by storm.
And now, we finally have its backstory.
Paltrow, 53, opened up about the term during a recent episode of podcast “Friends Keep Secrets.” It turns out, her introduction to the phrase came from a therapist that she and Martin had at the time.
“Chris and I had this therapist that was really brilliant, and he sort of introduced us to the concept,” Paltrow told hosts Benny Blanco, Lil Dicky and his wife Kristin Batalucco during the Sept. 8 episode. “We just made a commitment to really put the kids first, and so what that meant was to stay a family, even though we weren’t a couple.”
Paltrow — who is currently married to writer and director Brad Falchuk, 55 — shares two children with Martin, 49. The two announced the news of the divorce through a statement on her Goop website.
“We are parents first and foremost, to two incredibly wonderful children and we ask for their and our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time,” Paltrow and Martin wrote in the statement. “We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and coparent, we will be able to continue in the same manner.”
Paltrow told the podcast that when she and Martin decided to get divorced, she turned to friends who came from divorced households for guidance.
“I said, ‘Tell me, what was the worst thing? What do you feel you have scars from to this day?’” Paltrow recounted. “They said the worst part was ... ‘My dad used to drop me off at the end of the driveway.’ ‘It was so tense at my birthday parties.’ ‘They never ate dinner in the same room until my college graduation, and it caused me so much pain.’”
She added that she and Martin sought to “circumvent all of that awful stuff.” Paltrow also shared one particular trying moment during the divorce in which she had to put the conscious uncoupling philosophy to work. She explained that when the family moved to Los Angeles early on in the separation, they continued to have brunch together every Sunday. One particular brunch date proved difficult.
“Chris and I were upset with each other about something – I can’t even remember what it is — and I was like, ‘This might go really off the rails,’” she recalled. “It was getting tense, and we looked at each other. We went outside on the front porch, and we’re like, ‘Let’s just not.’”
She said that the two ended up embracing.
“We just hugged,” she said. “We like fist-bumped and then we went to brunch.”
Paltrow, to be clear, did not invent the term “conscious uncoupling.” The tactic, believed to be coined by late marriage and family therapist Katherine Woodward Thomas, has long existed with therapists and counselors encouraging the mindset as part of the final stage of marriage counseling after a decision to divorce is made.
Life coach Jeanne Byrd Romero previously told TODAY.com that conscious uncoupling is a method that can help the parties heal.
“It’s really a way of moving out of blame and shame so people can transform the experience into healing and peace,” Romero said. “It can be done with just one of the partners are the couple.”
