The female Rhesus Macaque monkey who last week turned up missing from Yerkes National Primate Research Center Field Station in Lawrenceville. Ga., has done what any wild animal does upon escaping its captors: opened a social media account.
Unlike the Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay, who's been on the lam with his own Facebook page for over a year, the Emory University research primate avoided the world's largest social network, no doubt because of its reputation for shutting down suspicious profiles or tracking its users every move. Instead, the fugitive monkey took a cue from @BronxZooCobra and went with Twitter. Tweeting under the name @EmoryMacaqueEsc, she's been microblogging her adventures since Thursday. The monkey had a humble 186 followers at the time of this post, a number that will no doubt rapidly rise. (Who doesn't love a tweeting monkey?)
"I do not have herpes and I love getting out and about town," the monkey states in her Twitter bio. "What more do you need to know?"
The monkey's declaration of health is supported in an official statement from the lab, reports My Fox Atlanta: "The female Rhesus Macaque monkey is one of the many bred at Yerkes that does not have the herpes B virus, and was not part of any scientific study in which it would have been infected with a disease. Still, officials warn that the monkey is a wild animal and it should not be approached if it is spotted."
For all her disease-free claims, the monkey also seems to prefer her followers keep their distance: "I’m allegedly disease free, but don’t approach me if you see me."
Indeed, on Thursday the monkey put some fright in her followers with this tweeted quip: "Looking for a kid who will come out to the woods behind the backyard with snacks like in Outbreak."
By Friday afternoon, #zombie because the top tweet topic between the monkey and her followers — some fear her bite would begin the zombie apocalypse, some are all for it. The monkey seems on the fence. "still hearing a lot of #zombie talk today and I can't help but feel it is a little unfair. Even if I do start the apocalypse, I won't mean to," she tweeted.
Surprisingly few seem concerned over the implications of a tweeting monkey — a skill that requires, at the very least, the ability to operation a cellphone. And now she's loose.
For all we know, James Franco isn't just playing a scientist who makes smart monkeys in this summer's Sci-Fi blockbuster, "Rise of the Planet of the Apes." That dude could've actually made one! He's in college, like, all the time! What's more, we've spent the last couple of years throwing around the term "Twitter Revolution."
Oh yeah! Don't think they didn't hear.
More on the annoying way we live now:
- Justin Bieber's 'attacker' dead ... if tweets could kill
- Man eats live rat in Facebook video, PETA rolls in
- Fired IT guy puts porn in ex-boss' PowerPoint
- Amish sexter busted for buggy sex invite to girl, 12
Helen A.S. Popkin calls great apes "monkeys" because it makes you angry. Join her on Twitter and/or Facebook, won't you?
