A Catholic priest at a North Carolina diocese has been accused of ambushing high school girls with what their parents call “unexpected” and “inappropriate” questions about sex while he was hearing their confessions.
But while Bishop Michael Martin, who heads the Diocese of Charlotte, has acknowledged the parents’ concerns, a diocesan investigation has concluded the priest did not cross the line when he asked the young women whether they had sex with their boyfriends or whether they masturbated.
“The Diocese of Charlotte looked into complaints raised about conversations that occurred during confession at Charlotte Catholic High School last December,” the diocese said in a statement this week to NBC affiliate WCNC of Charlotte. “No violations of our conduct policies were identified.”
That conclusion has left the parents who sounded the alarm deeply unhappy, and they are not satisfied with the response they got from Martin.
“The whole letter felt like we were being gaslighted,” one mother, who asked not to be identified to protect her daughter’s privacy, told WCNC. “We understand what is appropriate and inappropriate.”
Another mom told the station she felt dismissed by the bishop.
“He didn’t discuss any of the issues,” she said.
The diocese did not immediately respond to an NBC News request for comment on the parents’ complaints and to see whether it is giving the priest some guidance on how to handle confessions involving underage girls.
In Catholicism, confession is one of the seven sacraments. Believers confess their sins to priests, receive spiritual guidance and absolution and typically are required to make acts of contrition like saying specific prayers.
But everything that is said between confessor and priest is confidential.
WCNC did not name the priest because he has not been charged with a crime.
Martin wrote in his letter to the parents, “I am sorry that your daughter had a conversation in confession that made her feel uncomfortable.”
He then stressed that priests are bound by strict confidentiality and cannot discuss what is said during confession. He also said priests are allowed to guide conversations in the confessional.
“Penitents frequently come to the sacrament having engaged in a limited examination of conscience,” Martin wrote.
So the priest can ask penitents questions about “common age-appropriate struggles with sin” that they can answer yes or no “without description,” he explained.
In interviews with WCNC, the parents said the priest sprung sensitive questions on their daughters about whether they were having sex that had nothing to do with what they were confessing to.
“She said, ‘Mom, I was telling him about missing Mass and lying to you and fighting with my brother ... and we were not talking about anything sexual at all and he just asked me that,’” one of the mothers told WCNC.
Her husband said the priest flat-out asked their daughter whether she had been masturbating.
Another mom told WCNC her daughter had a similar experience when she began her confession.
“He asked my daughter if she’s ever had a sexual relationship with a boy,” that mom said.
The parents stressed their problem was with the priest, not with their religion.
“I’m still a faithful Catholic. ... I just want this to be about doing the right thing,” one of the moms told WCNC.
