As Alex Rodriguez rounded third and trotted home on Jason Giambi's grand slam here at Legends Field on Friday, the new New York Yankees third baseman thought to himself, "Where am I?"
"It was like Disney World," said Rodriguez of that moment in particular, but also of this whole surreal day full of the kind of Yankee mystique and magic that might be called legerdemain. "This thing the Boss has built, I'm caught in the middle of it. And I'm hoping to enjoy it for seven years."
This thing the Boss has built comes equipped with whistles and horns, egos and scandals, wealth and excess, jet flyovers and eagles, and everything except a marching band of bat-twirling naked mermaids. Whitey Ford, Reggie Jackson, Don Mattingly, Yogi Berra, Ron Guidry, Graig Nettles, Paul O'Neill and many more "living legends" stand around like theme park mascots, except that, when you speak to them, they speak back and, believe it or not, it's really them. You half expect Babe Ruth to throw out the ceremonial first pitch to Thurman Munson. If money could manage it, they'd have been here, too. Immortality? No problem. How many zeroes do we put on that check?
Rodriguez seems charmingly overwhelmed and impressed with it all, like the world's richest 28-year-old boy on his first tour of this Virtual Cooperstown For Adults. "It's hard not to get caught up in it all. I don't just play the game. I'm a huge fan of the game. It's been quite humbling, actually," said Rodriguez, awed by the constant welter of historic stars who assemble here each spring -- with the maximum number possible assembling for this first game. (Was that Tommy John who just walked past?)
"I feel spoiled around here. I have never been in an atmosphere like this before," said Rodriguez. "Look at the tips you can get. And whoever it is, you have to listen because they've all done it as well as you or better."
A-Rod gets it already. This is baseball by Fellini with Jerry Springer doing commentary. What's art, what's farce and what's just the pop-culture dreck that follows in the wake of a rich old man with a bottomless checkbook whose end-game passion is to live up to every caricature of him? Who'd even want to sort it all out?
This whole show called the Yankees is a preposterous gaudy circus, except the big-top metaphor doesn't suffice because a mere three rings wouldn't begin to do the job. A-Rod would need two rings all by himself. No, what makes this Yankee Spring Theatre unique in the game's history is the way its various facets keep coming at you -- all of it, all at once, right away, now! Blink and you missed three story lines and a mini-series.
"I've never seen anything like this [buzz] at a Yankees' spring training," said Whitey Ford, pausing for comic timing before adding, "except when [Jim] Bouton wrote that book about us."
What deal could ever have made this big a splash in earlier Yankee eras, Whitey? What if that trade, which fans often discussed -- Joe DiMaggio for Ted Williams so each could hit in a home park he liked -- had been made?
"No," said Ford. "This is more like if the Yankees had added Ted Williams [to DiMaggio]."
The drama-comedy here is not confined to A-Rod, the Moonstone jewel that the Red Sox could have had if Boston brass hadn't gotten stiff-necked and righteous at the union and killed its own deal. For sure, Rodriguez's first spring home game at third base had its entertainment value. The first smash hit near him was invisible -- to him. "He didn't see it," said Nettles to Manager Joe Torre when Rodriguez's knees didn't even flex until the ball was in left field. "I don't think he ever saw it," said Torre. "I didn't see it," said Rodriguez. "That was something new."
They better hope he never saw it. Otherwise, A-Rod has the worst reflexes in the history of the position that requires the best reflexes -- for survival.
So, Derek Jeter, any thoughts on moving to second base so A-Rod and his gold glove can play their proper position? "It doesn't matter," joked Jeter recently. "Next year, we'll have Nomar."
Only the Yankees could have a controversy so magnificently tangled that it competes -- easily -- with the biggest trade in baseball history (A-Rod for Alfonso Soriano and 10 billion New England tears). The largest muscled of all the Yankees lineup of boppers are also two of the central figures in the BALCO steroid controversy. Will the Incredible Shrinking Giambi and Gary Sheffield be exonerated? Will one or the other change his "I don't take 'em" story under pressure from the Justice Department? Stay tuned. But one thing is certain. Fair or not, Giambi is now the sport's poster boy for scared straight. Said one manager who saw him this spring: "He's lost so much weight he walked right past me and I didn't even recognize him. I mean, I was shocked."
Suddenly, Jeremy Giambi is Jason's big brother. Long ago, Jim Palmer greeted teammate Fat Floyd Rayford in spring training by saying, "Floyd, how many people are you smuggling into the ballpark in that uniform?" Giambi looks like there is at least one less person in his pinstripes. Some here recall the Lenny Dykstra before-and-after.
Nevertheless, the rocket shot Giambi hit deep over the right-center field fence proved he has plenty of pop.
"I didn't think I wasn't going to hit any," said Giambi. "You guys have seen me take batting practice. I'm still hitting the ball as far as I ever did." Something about that curious use of the word "still" seems worth parsing.
No mere circus imagery could suffice for this team because the Yankee ringmaster, keeping all those rich lions on their stools, is Torre, a big cat center of attention in his own right. Nobody since Casey Stengel talks as well or as much. This week, he and George buried the hatchet; Joe will come back to supervise the mad house in '05. And why not? The pre-game lifting is easy. Some managers think their pencil weighs as much as an anvil. Not Joe. "When you write this lineup," he said, grinning, "you don't even have to check who's pitching for the other guys."
The view from his dugout seat pleases him, too. Especially when he cocks his head toward the left side of the diamond. "Looking out there, it's not bad -- A-Rod and Derek and [Hideki] Matsui peaking over their shoulders."
At the moment, the Yankees' preseason games may top the regular season NBA or, certainly, the NHL for TV ratings. Especially Sunday's game in Fort Myers when the Yankees visit . . . drum roll . . . the Red Sox.
"When you go to Fort Myers, you're not going to Boston. . . . I'm not taking all our starting players," said Torre. "But I'm taking A-Rod and Jeter. Both."
Oh, goody. Thanks, Joe. You know the score.
"This is no longer just a sport. It's entertainment. It's exciting, it really is," said Torre. "You used to come to spring training and be anonymous. That changed a long time ago.
"But it's never been like this."
Amen. And pass the smelling salts.
