Here's your List for 2004, and it's been 100 percent metrosexualized by yet another bossy sissy. We'd stick around and explain it to you, but everything on our List has already (already?!) been griped about and refuted on somebody's smarter-than-thou blog. (Drat!)
So we'll be down in the spider hole if you need us, with our neat new friend Scarlett Johansson (in!) or maybe Elijah Wood (out?), hiding from Fox News, orange alerts, the next 50 Cent album and that creeeeepy-looking Mel Gibson Jesus movie. We're also dodging any more essays about Paris Hilton and/or the effect of the celebutante on modern culture. It's safe down here -- no Blaster worms, flu superstrains or Karl Rove. Plus we have time to write children's books, practice our frog march, unstitch the cholo monograms from our cigarette pants, and work on our robot. (Our girl robot.)
You can handle it from here, and if you can't, there's always Google.
Like the banner on the big boat says, Mission Accomplished! Cheers, queers.
